John "Mad Jack" Churchill

John "Mad Jack" Churchill. Lemme go on a quick rant on why this guy is probably the biggest badass in history.

His story starts in 1926 when he graduates from Sandhurst Military Acadamy and joins the British Army. He spent the first few years doing nothing but riding his motorcycle up and down the Indian subcontinent just for the fun of it. Also in spare time, he decided to pick up the bagpipes (I'll never know why.)  

After about ten years in the army, he retires. In his time off he works as a newspaper editor, a male model, and a movie extra. Quite an exciting time and quite a change from the army. He still practiced archery and bagpipes on the side though, don't worry. He even represented England at the World Archery Championships in 1939. But that wasn't that satisfactory for him compared to the army, so he reenlisted. 

In 1940 after enlisting he was shipped to France to assist the rest of the British Expeditionary Force in their mission to reinforce the Maginot Line, but not long after Churchill arrived Hitler decided to send his legions to seriously mess up France and the British found themselves right in the middle of a raging hellstorm. So they were then just stuck trying to do whatever they could to stall the German's advance. 

Well, Churchill refused to give ground. He started planning and launching small-scale guerrilla raids and surprise attacks on German positions and supply depots. He did all this riding his motorcycle and armed with nothing but a Scottish broadsword and bow and arrow. (He's the only man to have a confirmed bow and arrow kill in WWII fun fact.) When asked by a fellow officer why Churchill insisted on carrying the broadsword into battle with him, he responded, "In my opinion, sir, any officer who goes into action without his sword is improperly dressed".

He had been shipped to France to assist the rest of the British Expeditionary Force in their mission to reinforce the Maginot Line, but not long after Churchill arrived Hitler decided to send his legions to seriously fuck up France and the Brits found themselves right in the middle of a raging shitstorm.  The British troops were being pushed back towards the sea by the unstoppable Blitzkrieg, doing whatever they could to stall the Germans' relentless advance. Well, Jack Churchill had some ideas.  He not only refused to give ground, but he launched small-scale guerrilla raids and surprise attacks on German positions and supply depots.  Riding his trusty motorcycle and armed only with a motherfucking bow and arrow and a Scottish broadsword, he would assault the Germans, catch them completely off-guard, and fuck their shit up medieval-style.  When asked by a fellow officer why Churchill insisted on carrying the broadsword into battle with him, he responded, "In my opinion, sir, any officer who goes into action without his sword is improperly dressed". Churchill's sword. Despite being shot in the neck by a German machine gun, "Mad Jack" Churchill (as he came to be known) battled throughout the Dunkirk campaign, at one point even winning the Military Cross for bravery when he rescued a wounded British officer from a German ambush. After all this, he signed up for a new organization, The Commandos, even though he wasn't even really sure what a Commando was or what they did. He just knew they wanted to beat up the Germans and that sounded cool to him. (Talk about a man of impulse.)  During the British landing at Salerno, he won another award for bravery.  His squad was charged with taking out an artillery battery that was pinning down a nearby British force, despite the fact that the town of Piegoletti (where the guns were based) was garrisoned by a force much larger than his own Number 2 Commando. No surprise here, but Churchill had his own ideas. Instead, in the middle of the night, he had his men charge the town from all sides, screaming "COOMMAAANNNNDOOO!!!" as loud as possible. The Germans were confused and surprised and mounted a futile resistance. The 50 men of Number 2 Commando took 136 prisoners and inflicted an unknown number of casualties.  Well, this isn't even though most insane thing Churchill did. One night, he single-handedly took forty-two German prisoners and captured a mortar crew using only his broadsword.  He simply took one patrolling guard as a human shield and went around from sentry post to sentry post, sneaking up on the guards and then shoving his sword in their faces until they surrendered.  His response when asked about how he was able to capture so many soldiers so easily:  "I maintain that, as long as you tell a German loudly and clearly what to do, if you are senior to him he will cry 'jawohl' (yes sir) and get on with it enthusiastically and efficiently whatever the situation."  Not only all this but eventually he's captured by Nazis and they take him to the concentration camp. But don't think that's the end of the story. He just waited until the night and snuck out under the fence and walked back to his troop. Sadly, he didn't actually make it back to his troop before being recaptured and sent to a prison camp in Austria. But he just kinda walked out of there too. One night the lighting failed in April of 1945 and he just dropped his shovel and walked away. He marched 150 miles through the Alps living off vegetables he found along the way. He ran into a U.S column and the sent him back to England. However, the war was just about over at this point.

His time isn't finished though. At the age of 40, he qualified as a paratrooper and went to jump school. He did a few more things in the military and retired (Again) in 1959. He was also a hardcore surfer and built and designed his own surfboards. 

So because of all of this stuff I have to say this guy is probably the most badass in history and my personal hero.  
(I don't know why the text is all werid in this post. Sorry guys.)